![]() And certainly, prisons have no plan for people to journey from one identity to another. prisons are places where there is neither forgiving nor forgetting. However, if you work to transform to a new identity, then old behavior may not be forgotten, but it belongs to the old you. If you forget and you remain in the same identity, then behavior goes unchecked, and is doomed to keep repeating itself. I think that there is a real question as to whether one can be too forgiving, the danger is in being too forgetting. In that discussion, I was told that I was too forgiving. At a recent book club meeting discussing Reaganland, a tremendous Rick Perlstein book about the ascendance of Ronald Reagan to President, we drew lines to a more current politician. That occasionally has me feeling the need to seek forgiveness from someone and then to forgive myself (to stem the relentless embarrassment as I meticulously assess various interactions) but also trying not to forget the ingredients ever at play for another similar interaction in the future. As a shy introvert who nonetheless loves people and being around them, it’s not uncommon for me to have socially awkward moments. As we all know, willpower does not win the battle every day…įor many years, I have purposefully teased apart the saying, “forgive and forget.” Most often, my goal is definitely to forgive, but to be very wary of forgetting. When people have to identify as an alcoholic every day, that then is who they are, and their identity calls for one behavior while their willpower calls for another. “ That’s just not who I am!” Numerous products from universities to football teams from Coke/Pepsi to Tesla instill and encourage similar identities. It then makes the idea of using similar products from another brand close to unthinkable. Apple’s marketing is and always has been relentlessly encouraging people to take on an “Apple User” identity and thus to think about themselves in distinct ways, from which distinct behaviors follow. ![]() When people joke about the “cult of Apple,” such identities are exactly what they are talking about. The physical side, where it exists, needs additional attention, not for this essay.) ![]() (To be clear, I am addressing here the psychological side of addiction and behaviour. Then the new behavior becomes part of that new identity, the person is then just conforming to the behavior of who they now are. The end goal in a prevention setting should be to move someone to a new identity, where a desired behavior is the norm. ![]() If you identify as an alcoholic, then your behavior, absent incentive or threat, is going to recenter toward alcohol. (And let’s not forget LOVE!) However, when the threat dissipates, your behavior will begin to re-center itself to your identity – whatever your dominant identity is. But bribes and guilt can also do the job. There is no journey to becoming someone else, just a certain level of white-knuckle struggle not to be who you are… every day.Īs I have discussed in essays previously, behavior change can come about as easily as by having a large enough threat pointed in one’s direction. That at every meeting or conversation a person has to self-identify as an alcoholic. The problem I have is with the personal identity aspect of it. Also, the support, the forgiveness and the fact that they don’t promise success to come about overnight, but instead day by day, are all extremely important elements of a wellness journey. I’m not totally a fan of Alcoholics Anonymous.īut I am totally a fan of its goals. ![]()
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